Four letters of instability

I won’t be ready for love
A dim light illuminating an alley
Because I want myself
You and I
To come home,  safe
I won’t be ready
For it’s salted wounds
Leaving scabs on the skin
Pressing cotton bandages on it,
Rubbing it with ointment
Because I love
You
In that way only
I won’t be able to remain selfless
When I want the best for you
Truly
Honestly
I want the best for you
Even if I’m not ready to go with you
I won’t be ready to cry
Pound my fists into your chest
Sobbing that it’s not meant to be like this
No flowery gardens
No steam rising out of the kettle
Because you put two sugars in your tea
And take your coffee black
As midnight.
I won’t be ready to see our children
In you
And them in us
No matter how many times we won’t get it right
I won’t be ready even if I want to be
I mean it’s careless that’s all
A girl who has had her heart set on one
One day, one month, one year
To obsess over the collars of a shirt
Ridges around your knuckles
Encompassing your face
As if one day I’ll forget it
But I won’t…
I won’t be ready for love
Like springtime afraid of blooming
Hiding behind the backs of winters
Peering out like a child from behind their parents
For the first day of school
Now looking distinguished and alright
For the last day of school
Graduation
I won’t be ready for that love
Where it’s sickening to want it to be right
When it should be enough
To be here
Present
Honest to say I’m afraid
That I won’t be ready
To love…
Anyone

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